For quite some time now God has been calling me to set aside a special time each day for Him. Well, human/Adam-ite, that I am, I heard God calling me. I even listened, then I decided that I knew best. I am after all, me. I should know what's best for me, right?
My rationalization made so much sense to me. I spend lots of time talking to God each day. After all these years of being His kid, I've even learned to listen to Him. I talk to God on the road, in the shower, before bed, and whenever I have a spare moment. I really am in relationship with my Creator and I talk to Him. I thought that I would just continue to spend ample time with God and that gesture and effort should suffice.
Our Father is such a Gentleman. He heard my excuses and rationalizations and my reasoning, yet he continued to gently in that still-small voice, call me to set aside a special time just for us. I was praying recently and really asking God to reveal some things to me, asking for clarification, and direction. I was complaining that things weren't going the way I expected and planned. What's up?
He told me so clearly that He is a God of order, of systems, of laws, of principles, of organization. He shared with me that He understood that I am detoxing from a legalistic background of rigid rules and moral, godless checklists. He said that He had gladly smothered me in freedom and grace so that I could build relationship with Him and be free from religious rules. In effect, He was transitioning me from knowing God, but denying the power therein to knowing God and embracing Him in relationship. He's now teaching me that structure and routine and organization can be used to my benefit in Him as long as they are in the context of His love for me and my love for Him. Jesus is Lord; religion is not.
Finally, I consented and I set aside the first 30 minutes of my day for just me and God. No phone calls, no Facebook, no texting. Just me and God, uninterrupted. So many things have happened so quickly, thanks to this small step of obedience that was offered to me months if not years ago. Most of what He's placed upon my heart is not bloggable, nor that interesting if you're not me. We all have our things with God that should remain between us and God. Other things are for sharing.
Much of my prayer time with God in these special, set-aside times have been me praying that God will make me more Christlike and expose sin and self that is in my life. Wow, sometimes God answers prayers in the most annoying ways (only half joking).
I had an appointment today to get an oil change and a couple of minor maintenance things done on my truck. I needed an oil change, a bulb changed that illuminates my a/c settings, and my silencer pads on my shocks need oiled/lubricated as frequent cabin trips on gravel roads have made the truck squeaky. Simple enough.
I'm paged to the front to pay. They charge me for the oil change, tell me it'll be 700 bucks to replace the bulb because they'll have to replace the whole panel, and that they couldn't figure out what was squeaking so they didn't fix it. I got pissy and told them that they had pushed a $2500 warranty policy on me that they have never honored, but they would quickly offer to fix something that wasn't covered. They couldn't find record of my warranty, so I walk out in the pouring rain to get my copy out of the glove box. It expired at 75,000 miles, which I hit 2 days ago and have now gone over. Their sincere apologies, my foot. I got all Susan Seawel on them and told them in no uncertain terms in front of their other customers how disappointed and cheated I felt that they've given me the run-around every time I've come in and now that I'm over the mileage limit, they can't do anything. I didn't cuss them like I would have liked to and I wasn't even that out of line except for the fact that I let it bother me so badly.
I drive to see my next client at school. This little boy is such a brat. Crybaby, manipulator, pouter, whiner, blame-shifter. Oppositional Defiant out the wazzoo. Today wasn't the day for me to be backtalked and manipulated. I went 'round and 'round with a 3rd grader, meeting him on his level and he met his match in arguing senselessly. I stepped out of counselor role and into step-parent role. No worries, I didn't do anything bad, I just wasn't an effective counselor. I was more like a probation officer for a kid who's not (yet) on probation.
I got in the truck and immediately asked God what was up with me. I'm not usually like this. I've been crabby all day. What's the deal? I feel like I'm being EXPOSED. As soon as I prayed the word 'exposed' I felt it all over my body. If it was a movie, it would have been played in slow-motion with a deep "Exposed, exposed, exposed" echoing throughout the cinema.
Oh my God. This was an answer to prayer. I was being exposed. My selfishness had been exposed just as I had asked God to do. I was still confused, so I asked God just what exactly he was exposing. He said, you believe that you are your provider, that's why you got mad about that $2500. I AM your Provider. He said, you believe that you are your defender, that's why you got mad when they wouldn't listen or take you seriously. I AM your Defender. He continued, you believe that you are in control, that's why the little child's disobedience went all over you. I AM Sovereign; I AM in Control.
He had me to confess my selfishness, repent, and declare that He is my Provider, my Defender, and that He is Sovereign and has control of my life.
Needless to say, enduring some minor frustrations to get such an awesome, instant answer to prayer was totally worth it. I really felt as if I've grown up a lot today. It's refreshing knowing who He is and who I am in Him.
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